Scrivener.

"Write it out," he said. "Everything's better...you're better...when you're writing."

We were standing together, just the two of us, overlooking the Blue Ridge mountains in north Georgia. He was talking about the past, the present, the future; I was biting my lip and trying not to cry. Still, it was a good moment, a lucid moment, in a week that otherwise didn't have many.

And in that lucidity, he was telling me to write.

I know he was sincere. I know he was right. I know how often I mentally begin to put it all on paper or screen and sort it out. I know it's my best therapy.

But I don't know that he'd be happy to know that I'm writing about private things, difficult things, in a public forum.

For that reason, and because let's be honest: nobody really sees this stuff, anyway, which is a-okay with me, I'm locking this down. If you want to read it, let me know and I'll give you access, if I know and trust you.

And then I'll try. To write it out. To make it better.

Easy

Can't quite believe how quickly six months have flown past me, in a rush and a blur. Can't quite process all that's happened in the interim, both the large and the small, the wonderful and the awful. Sometimes I suspect that it might be easier to fall apart than pick it apart. 

So once again, I'll lean lazily upon the familiar: words from a song that simultaneously soothes and sears my psyche. I suppose that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

+++

I want my mind to pull me through;

Up until now, that's been hard to do.

But how could I know, how could I know 

It'd be easy?

I want my heart to stand alone,

To be the one that's made of stone.

How could I know, how could I know

It'd be easy? Easy as falling apart.

Woke from the sweetest dream,

Brought to the floor;

Robbed of the only thing

That I'm living for.

I want the sun to shine on me,

To show me the way and set me free...

How could I know, how could I know

That it'd be easy?

Easy as falling apart.

The farther I fall, the more I know

That I'm gonna have to let you go.

But how could I know, how could I know

That it'd be easy, easy...

Easy as falling apart.